Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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