is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize