In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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