so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
