Your mouth is God's brothel.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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