I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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