did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
