im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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