The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
