I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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