my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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