He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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