i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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