My first STD was from a foam party
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
