So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
