Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
