So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
