Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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