Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
