tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
