So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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