so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
