do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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