Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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