ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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