We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
