So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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