Moan for me like Helen Keller
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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