Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
