nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize