Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
In other news, I just burned my penis
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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