It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
