Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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