Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
