dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
