When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
