I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
