Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
