Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
