New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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