When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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