I can't breathe out the right side of my face
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
