you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
