i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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