Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
