Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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