I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
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