It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize