my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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