capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
