Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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