you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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