omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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