it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
