is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
