I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Nicole vs. Life
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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