Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
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I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
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I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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