it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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