It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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