Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
