mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
