What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
