Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
