Nicole vs. Life
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
