Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
