he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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