hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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