Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
