hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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