P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
