you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
