"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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