we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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