once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
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The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
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We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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